Monday 20 February 2017

Torture My Nights



At school we did Joseph & His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat and one of the best songs is Close Every Door, containing the line “Darken my daytime, And torture my night.”   
Anyone who has shared a bed with a snorer will know that feeling.
In 2009 Fester was one of the scientists working on the EU’s Quality Low Input Food project which involved an annual conference somewhere on the continent.  The following Facebook posts illustrate my delight at the prospect of quiet nights alone, and anonymised friends’ reactions (spellings theirs not mine).

Fester has left for Crete - a whole snore free week
MJH Do you get a snore-free week or does he?
Bentonbag ME ME ME
It's not just the snoring it's the dead silences when he stops breathing for up to 20 seconds then the huge rasping grunt when he finally takes a breath. His (useless) GP says he just "needs to lose a few pounds". I say his GP should try sleeping with him ...
LB sleep apnia or how fter you spell it! my dad has it and that's definitely wot it sounds like. anyway you still have Ferretfingers and his snoring ha. xx
Bentonbag no, Ferretfingers sleeps silently, Thunderthighs on the other hand ...
FifiD Do you think he's seen that film where the housewife gets bored and doesnt come back. Shirley valentine??? Hope not!!!!! Xx
Bentonbag Don't get my hopes up FifiD
FifiD Tee hee xxxx

I’ve just returned from the charity shops of Byker: trousers for Thunderthighs, 2 tops for me and an egg slicer £8.74.
EW Is this what you get up to when Fester goes away then?
Bentonbag It's a sybaritic life of unbridled hedonism
EW All that and a decent night's sleep... live the dream.

Took two hot-water-bottles to bed last night and have put away my summer trousers - fighting the urge to put on the central heating though .
BDG We've had a duvet each for the last 2 nights. Ultra snuggly and warm!
Bentonbag I'd get more sleep if we had a room each - only one snore-free night left.
EW Isn't there some remedy for it? I find a quick dig in the ribs most effective...
FifiD seperate houses is the remedy!!!!!!!!
Bentonbag he has his own flat but won't go back there
FifiD About time you spring cleaned him out of your life me thinks!!!! Onwards and upwards xxx
Bentonbag Nah - the kids and cats would miss him too much and I'd have to do the cooking - and who would I do the Guardian crossword with?
FifiD Ah well you've sold me on that!! Just get him a bigger potting shed. Job done!! Xx

He's back and covered in mozzie bites
So far I've been given: a pair of Cretan slippers; lavender olive oil soap; and pottery salt shaker, 2 candlesticks and an egg cup (or it might be 1 candlestick and 2 eggcups as one could be either) - and we're not into the duty free yet!
FifiD ARE THESE YOUR BIRTHDAY PREZZIES !!!!
2 bottles of Tia Maria and 3 boxes of chocolates - should keep me going until Christmas

See more tomorrow ....

No comments:

Post a Comment