Bereavement and Remembering

From Facebook Archives

29 April 2016 at 09.11

I remember thinking sometime after Phil died 

"Where's she gone? Where's the joyous gleeful girl that used to live in me gone?"

Bereavement causes a metamorphosis in the person left behind.

Yes the joyous gleeful girl went, but in her place is someone harder but kinder, stronger but more brittle, more patient but much less compliant.

What I'm trying to say is you can't 'recover the "you" that went away'.

You grow back into a different you.

And accepting a different yourself can be quite challenging.

Madame Fifi  So true what you are saying Ben.

Henlady  It has taken me the four years since my husband died to accept the new me.

Ms Telyn  Damn you woman - beautiful words and you, you made me cry. Love you.xx

1 May 2023 at 12.32

Yesterday the boys lost another uncle.

Our brother-in-law Steve, Middlesister's husband.

Unlike Fester’slittle brother it wasn't unexpected, far from it as he was moved from Chesterfield hospital to a hospice last week, but even so...

He was also from Sheffield, but a Wednesday supporter, craftsman, golfer, drinker, smoker and an all-round cheerful and pleasant human being.

Some older friends may remember he put double glazing in for Phil and me back in 1992 and discovered the joys of the Cumberland Arms.

We last spoke in February when he phoned to say thanks for his 80th birthday cards and gift.

My memory of him is a chuckling "Ey up me duck."

 

Dragon Travel Language

From Facebook Archives

30 April 2011 at 22:16

I’m taking Thunderthighs to the Town Moor tomorrow at Dawn - he will be dragoning!

Strawangel  Hope it's a lovely day for you all x

FifiD  Dawn? That's early! X

Bentonbag  Up at 3.45.  Meet up at 4.30.  Sunrise at 5.30

FifiD  Home now for a nice brew? Hope it was worth it. X

30 April 2015 at 17:06

Thunderthighs's just gone off to Newcastle College for his Biology GCSE evening class.

"Shall I pick you up at 8 as usual?"

"Actually Mum, do you mind if I come home on the Metro?"

Not at all son, we've been wanting you to do that since last year.

Another step towards being a grown up.

Mrs Allotment  My son's first independent journey was travelling back from Newcastle College. They gave him the skills and he put them to good use by voting with his feet... he'd go in for registration because he knew he should, then turn around, come home, sit in the house until 4 O'Clock (college time) then start to do his own thing!  Concrete thought process mixed with the beginning of self determination.  Used to amuse me (but not college!)

Bentonbag Thunderthighs has been travelling independently to/from school/college for a few years now but the metro home from evening class has been a step too far so I've been going to pick him up.  The problem wasn't fear of the metro at night, or the dark.   

Not at all.  He'd worked out that with class finishing at 8, then a walk to central station, then the metro, then the walk here he wouldn't be home until after 9.  And he has his bath at 9 so he might be late for it.  God forbid his routine should be altered.

30 April 2024 at 08:07

Safely back from the weekend in Chesterfield with Middlesister (who has forgotten her facebook password and isn't bothered).

Phoned home Friday night and asked Thunderthighs whether his father was ok, had he fallen again?

"Not yet."

Ever the optimist!

However all was well on my return.

Bazoukiboy  Not yet??? He has his father’s touch with language

Bentonbag  In so so many ways ....

 

A Good Clear Out

Last Thursday afternoon Fester returned from the Mining Institute looking even paler and grumpier than usual.   

He leaned around the living room door, growled 

“I’m knackered and my guts are playing up” 

and retired to bed.   

He felt sufficiently strong to make the boys’ tea but I got 

“You’ll have to shift for yourself”.

On Friday morning I included this in the email to my blog-mailing-list

“Fester has taken to bed - again - however he's strong enough for me to put the telly on for him.”

Fester’s habit of taking to bed is why Mrs Eft now refers to him as the Little Hot House Plant, however on this occasion her response was

“Poor Fester.  You must be treating him badly..”

He was well enough by Saturday morning to go on the bus to Alnwick with Ferretfingers.  When he came home he returned to bed.   At bedtime he asked 

“Have we got anything like Imodium in the house?”   

I rummaged in the corner of the dark cupboard where we keep such things and came across a packet of Imodium.  He took two despite my warning that I had no idea when it was bought or the expiry date. 

“It’ll be fine.”

On Sunday morning he and Ferretfingers went to North Shields.

I examined the Imodium box in bright daylight and was able to make out the expiry date: 08-2011.  

I asked Thunderthighs to pop into whichever pharmacy was open and get a new box of Immodium or the own brand equivalent.  Which he did – one of each.

On their return Fester admitted it had been a stressful trip and that the tablets hadn’t had much effect.  He took two of the new ones which, thankfully, seem to have done the trick.

I got everything out of the ‘medicine cupboard’ and discovered:-

Senokot expired 1/08/19-1/08/22

Germolene expired 10/2020

Anbesol oral gel expired 05/2020

Health Essentials Ibuprofen tablets expired March 2020

Spar Paracetamol tablets expired 11/18

Numark Anti-Diarrhoea Capsules expiry date 08/2018

Fucicort Lipid cream expired 04/2012

Fucidin cream expired 11/2010

Medigel for mouth ulcers expired August 2010

Sainsbury’s diarrhoea relief tablets expired 08/07 – three packets

Calgel Teething Gel expired 05/2004

Boots Soluble Asprin Tablets 300mg use by July 03

Boots Sore Mouth Gel, tube not in box

Canestan cream, tube not in box

These are all being disposed of (Middlesister would approve).

Wondering why we had so much anti-diarrhoea stuff I remembered we’d brought most of it back from Sheffield (Fester’s little brother had problems).

Even so that was in 2012, when some were already a good five years out of date.