Hostess Trolley

From Facebook Archives

9 May 2024 at 16.56

Yesterday, after dropping Ferretfingers off the day centre and No1 computer at MonkseatonComputers for its antivirus, I went to Tesco's on Norham Road.

Thunderthighs is usually with me but he was atHextol.  

When I got to the till the checkout lady looked at me with some surprise and said "You're on your own."

I explained I was allowed out alone sometimes.

 

On a Wednesday, when I get the good bread from Earth & Fire at the Rising Sun CountrysideCentre, we have a tea of 'bread and bits'.   Bits being at least two of the following: humus; taramasalata; any soft spready cheese from Boursin to Dairylea; whatever dip is on bogof or other special offer; ditto pate; finely sliced or spring onions and celery.   

In the kitchen yesterday evening I saw the plates of bread, tubs of stuff and bowls of crudités: got down a tray, put them on and carried them through to the living room coffee table in just one trip.  

Much more efficient than trailing through a couple of plates or bowls at a time.

"Oh" says Fester "Tea on a tray! We are being posh."

Fay  You need to surprise him with a hostess trolley

Bazoukiboy  Is the Vicar coming?

9 May 2024 at 17.05

Tea is being served.

Just heard himself kick the living room door then open it with 

"Forfucksake all firking winter this door is left open and now it's summer ...."

Hard but fair as the man says.

Fay  On second thoughts, maybe forget the hostess trolley.

 

Achilles Worms Cat

From the Facebook Archives, some very early ones again.

8 May 2009 at 16:40

I have an inflamed and swollen right Achilles tendon, and falling arch on the other foot.   

So I’m hobbling around in an ice pack, rubbing in ibruprofen gel and being given Fester's antinflammatories ("stronger than Ibruprofen tablets").   

Good GP though, phoned with advice.

The Squireen  Not nice

Bentonbag  You're telling me.  That's why I was so ratty and walked so much at practice last night.  Just hope I can get it sorted for Sedgefield.  Any tips?

8 May 2011 at 17:41

Any anglers out there? I need some earthworms or brandlings to replenish my wormarium.   Fester emptied the contents into the leek trench without capturing any to put back in.    

Do you know of any fishing/live-bait shops within striking distance of Four Lane Ends?

Mr Browntin  Is the one on chilly road not there anymore?

Bentonbag  I'm not sure, I keep trying to look as I go past and failing to remember where it is/was

Ozwife  I remember a friend used to pick up fish bait from somewhere in South Gosforth

Bentonbag  I used to use the SGosforth one but last time I looked it was a bike shop (I think)

Ozwife  Quite poss it was a while ago x

Bentonbag  Fester tells me the one on Chilly Rd has moved to 'somewhere in Byker'.

8 May 2012 at 17:01

Really wish the cat would stop climbing on and switching off the radio!

I wouldn't mind so much if he didn't bugger up all the preset buttons as well!

 

Gardening Achilles Snails Headphones

From the Facebook Archives, some very early ones.

7 May 2009 at 16:45

I’ve spent the afternoon gardening.

Ms Exlibris  So have I.  I know it is good for the budget and environment etc etc but I find it really boring!!

Bentonbag  I quite like getting my hands dirty - reminds me of playing mud pies when I was a kid.  It's hoovering and dusting that bores me (on those rare occasions I actually feel guilty 

enough to do it)

7 May 2010 at 20:08

I’ve rendered Fester speechless.   

My Achilles tendon, which has been niggling for weeks, suddenly got really painful when I turned my foot on a bit of gravel getting the bin in.   

Really painful calf.   

Himself prescribed heat and rest, so I asked how I could rest from doing bugger all.  

He had no reply for several minutes.

7 May 2018 at 23:28  No snailsout tonight, but there are 8 frogs in the pond.

7 May 2021 at 19:19

With Ferretfingers away I can listen to the tv without headphones so I'm off until tomorrow .

Paddington  Enjoy the noise.

 

 

 

Stephen

For some reason I’ve never called Fester or his brother by the shortened form of their first names, although friends always do.   

“Like me mother” Fester once remarked..   

I met George Whitegoods on the same evening as I first encountered Fester in early December 1979.

The third verse was actually written this morning, when I went to the loo thinking about our visits to Sheffield and decided that there was something missing and incomplete about leaving those feelings out.  It also explains why I was cross with 'little brother' for quite some time. 

From Facebook Archives

6 May 2023 at 20.14

Looking for something else I found, like you do, this poem about Steve (Fester’s little brother) which I wrote on 31 January 2014 (possibly after a conversation with George Whitegoods).  

I've read it out to Fester who says "it doesn't go far enough".   

Those who knew him might appreciate it...

STEPHEN

No more “pints for looking at purposes”

No more “I don’t talk like that”

No more of us sending postcards “just to keep in touch”

No more coffee made in a plastic jug.

We’ve finished his Tupperware boxes of coffee beans,

And the twenty three tubes of prawn cheese spread,

And the money he saved for his retirement

Is refurbishing our kitchen instead.

 

No more visits walking on eggshells

No more biting my lip at remarks 

No more mocking correction of childish impediments

When any speech was so sparse. 

His nephews might be missing their uncle

But they should be used to that by now

He showed no interest in them in life

No gifts, no cards, no “how?”

No curiosity shown to us at least.

Then well after the funeral

Finally expressing my exasperation to a friend

He replied “But he talked about them all the time

It was my child he had no time for”

So why did he extol her virtues to me?

Contrary bastard.

See also 

https://bentonbag.blogspot.com/2024/06/a-friend-in-need.html

https://bentonbag.blogspot.com/2021/06/driven-to-drink.html

https://bentonbag.blogspot.com/2024/06/the-aftermath.html