Achilles Worms Cat

From the Facebook Archives, some very early ones again.

8 May 2009 at 16:40

I have an inflamed and swollen right Achilles tendon, and falling arch on the other foot.   

So I’m hobbling around in an ice pack, rubbing in ibruprofen gel and being given Fester's antinflammatories ("stronger than Ibruprofen tablets").   

Good GP though, phoned with advice.

The Squireen  Not nice

Bentonbag  You're telling me.  That's why I was so ratty and walked so much at practice last night.  Just hope I can get it sorted for Sedgefield.  Any tips?

8 May 2011 at 17:41

Any anglers out there? I need some earthworms or brandlings to replenish my wormarium.   Fester emptied the contents into the leek trench without capturing any to put back in.    

Do you know of any fishing/live-bait shops within striking distance of Four Lane Ends?

Mr Browntin  Is the one on chilly road not there anymore?

Bentonbag  I'm not sure, I keep trying to look as I go past and failing to remember where it is/was

Ozwife  I remember a friend used to pick up fish bait from somewhere in South Gosforth

Bentonbag  I used to use the SGosforth one but last time I looked it was a bike shop (I think)

Ozwife  Quite poss it was a while ago x

Bentonbag  Fester tells me the one on Chilly Rd has moved to 'somewhere in Byker'.

8 May 2012 at 17:01

Really wish the cat would stop climbing on and switching off the radio!

I wouldn't mind so much if he didn't bugger up all the preset buttons as well!

 

Gardening Achilles Snails Headphones

From the Facebook Archives, some very early ones.

7 May 2009 at 16:45

I’ve spent the afternoon gardening.

Ms Exlibris  So have I.  I know it is good for the budget and environment etc etc but I find it really boring!!

Bentonbag  I quite like getting my hands dirty - reminds me of playing mud pies when I was a kid.  It's hoovering and dusting that bores me (on those rare occasions I actually feel guilty 

enough to do it)

7 May 2010 at 20:08

I’ve rendered Fester speechless.   

My Achilles tendon, which has been niggling for weeks, suddenly got really painful when I turned my foot on a bit of gravel getting the bin in.   

Really painful calf.   

Himself prescribed heat and rest, so I asked how I could rest from doing bugger all.  

He had no reply for several minutes.

7 May 2018 at 23:28  No snailsout tonight, but there are 8 frogs in the pond.

7 May 2021 at 19:19

With Ferretfingers away I can listen to the tv without headphones so I'm off until tomorrow .

Paddington  Enjoy the noise.

 

 

 

Stephen

For some reason I’ve never called Fester or his brother by the shortened form of their first names, although friends always do.   

“Like me mother” Fester once remarked..   

I met George Whitegoods on the same evening as I first encountered Fester in early December 1979.

The third verse was actually written this morning, when I went to the loo thinking about our visits to Sheffield and decided that there was something missing and incomplete about leaving those feelings out.  It also explains why I was cross with 'little brother' for quite some time. 

From Facebook Archives

6 May 2023 at 20.14

Looking for something else I found, like you do, this poem about Steve (Fester’s little brother) which I wrote on 31 January 2014 (possibly after a conversation with George Whitegoods).  

I've read it out to Fester who says "it doesn't go far enough".   

Those who knew him might appreciate it...

STEPHEN

No more “pints for looking at purposes”

No more “I don’t talk like that”

No more of us sending postcards “just to keep in touch”

No more coffee made in a plastic jug.

We’ve finished his Tupperware boxes of coffee beans,

And the twenty three tubes of prawn cheese spread,

And the money he saved for his retirement

Is refurbishing our kitchen instead.

 

No more visits walking on eggshells

No more biting my lip at remarks 

No more mocking correction of childish impediments

When any speech was so sparse. 

His nephews might be missing their uncle

But they should be used to that by now

He showed no interest in them in life

No gifts, no cards, no “how?”

No curiosity shown to us at least.

Then well after the funeral

Finally expressing my exasperation to a friend

He replied “But he talked about them all the time

It was my child he had no time for”

So why did he extol her virtues to me?

Contrary bastard.

See also 

https://bentonbag.blogspot.com/2024/06/a-friend-in-need.html

https://bentonbag.blogspot.com/2021/06/driven-to-drink.html

https://bentonbag.blogspot.com/2024/06/the-aftermath.html

 

All Is Pure To The Pure

... as Henffrind’s mother used to say, so if you get the references you shouldn’t be shocked by them.

From Facebook Archives

5 May 2025 at 13.27

There's a drip under the sink.

I've put the mop bucket under it and moved the veg rack to where the mop bucket was and generally shifted the under-sink contents about.

I've just spent 5 minutes explaining what is where to himself.

Will Fixit is coming to look at it tomorrow.

Drummerman  I thought you were starting a limerick at first…

Bentonbag  Feel free to finish it.

Bazoukiboy  But the plumber was from Nantucket...

Drummerman  So how does the pheasant fit?

Bazoukiboy  The peasant's pleasant Pheasant?

Drummermant “It’s what the engineer told me before he died”…

Bentonbag  Did he come down from Inverness?

Drummerman Not sure, but he can tell you a tale or two…

Bentonbag  About the good ship Venus?