The Weakest Link

First posted 6 January 2010

Sadly this episode of The Weakest Link seems to be no longer on iplayer 

Those of you who were watching BBC1 between 5.15 and 6pm this/yesterday evening (6 January) now know what I sound and look like for, yes, that was me on The Weakest Link.

(I would have blogged about it before but the BBC don’t like you to give the end away before broadcast)…

My 2009 New Year’s Resolution was to just go for anything I fancied and not be shy or timid 

(I can hear certain of my family and friends saying “As if!?”).  So I clicked the appropriate box on the BBC “Be on a show” webpage, 

was emailed the application form, filled it in and returned it with this photo attached.  There was an audition in Newcastle and, months later, a ‘phone call inviting me to a filming.   

On 30^th September, equipped with three outfits as instructed, I took the train to Slough and a taxi to Pinewood Studios.

They film 3 editions of Weakest Link in one day and ours was the last one.  We were all ushered into a room where the wardrobe mistress came in and chose which outfits we would wear.   

Then make-up and a chat with the researchers for “biog notes for Anne” – otherwise known as ammunition.  Finally after a couple of hours (there are nine people to process) you find yourself in the Green Room waiting to go into the studio.

It’s heartening to discover how quickly nine strangers can become friendly with each other when you’re all thrown in the same boat.  I have to say that the crew on The Weakest Link are really kind and friendly and do their best to make you comfortable and at ease.  They are all at pains to explain that whatever Anne Robinson says must not be taken to heart as it is all an act.

Finally we were all ushered into the studio, and that’s when the butterflies take off because you think “This is it”.

In order to give the camera a smooth run from face to face shorter people are given a box to stand on.  Marc, next to me, was over 6ft so I got 2 boxes.  After everything was set up, sound checked, etc. Anne Robinson swept in like a small ginger headed black bat.

Honestly, maybe it was because I was on two boxes, but Anne Robinson is really short.  She also doesn’t interact with contestants except when asking questions or ‘having a go’.  Mostly between rounds she would sweep back out to her roost (followed by a minion) or she would stand glaring at her console.  If I hadn’t seen her ankles move with my own eyes I would have sworn she ran on castors and was operated by remote control.  It didn’t help that the lighting meant we couldn’t see much outside the circle of hell we’d put ourselves in.

Of course my name starting with B meant that I was the first person to be questioned.    

I also realised early one that my card had been marked because, after the first round of voting, the gimlet eyed spotlight turned on me.  First it was was my hair this colour naturally?  Then did I think a red top went with red hair?  Followed by uncomplimentary questions and remarks about said top (not broadcast).  Finally, as a housewife, how did I “fill in the happy hours in Newcastle”?

“I’m a morris dancer”

So of course I had to put down my card, step off the boxes and do some dancing.  I didn’t bother to explain that our kind of morris dancing involves teams.  I decided to do some stepping so asked her whether she would prefer a skip or a rant.  She told me to choose.  I decided that a rant was much more applicable for Anne Robinson.

A rant goes “hop hop change foot”.  On the first hop you bring your free foot across your hopping foot and tap the floor with it* (any dancers reading this are now shaking their heads more in sorrow than anger).  It sounds like durum dum dum.  As La Robinson said “It’s quite bouncy isn’t it.”

Especially on that set it is! 

Like most TV Studios the set is built for show not for sturdiness.  I may be relatively short but I’m not small and what with gravity and momentum make quite an impact when stepping.  The whole damn set shook – audibly as well as visibly.  I was quite worried that little Scottish Jackie (also on a box) would be shaken off.  However the mdf held and I was excused the embarrassment of appearing on outtake programmes ad infinitum.

After 8 steps I got back on me box and heaved a sigh of relief as the gimlet eyed spotlight moved on to Marc.

As far as the result is concerned:  I didn’t disgrace myself; I was the last woman standing and got down to the final four.  If you haven’t seen it and you have access to BBC Iplayer or a cable catch-up facility you can watch it anytime in the next seven days (I believe).  It’s bound to appear on Challenge eventually.

I’m told that they’re going to be moving the filming of The Weakest Link up to Scotland.  I just hope they build a sturdier set up there.

* Do not try this at home unless you are sitting down on a firm and sturdy chair – I will not accept responsibility for any damage you may do yourself attempting to rant without a qualified instructor present.