Alan Bennett Style

From Facebook Archives

14 December 2022 at 12.42

Thunderthighs comes in from a trip to the Post Office and dropping off Pearl’s birthday card.

I call out "We're up here in the office huddling together for warmth."

He comes in with "I've got bad news for you."

Warily "What?"

"For the next few days Pointless is Pointless Celebrities and it's on at different times."

I groan "I can't stand Celebrity Pointless."

Fester groans "I get fed up of them very quickly." 

Then, stoically, "We'll have to have tea watching The Chase."

I say "Or we could sit at the table like civilised people and talk to each other."

Fester says "We'll have to have tea watching The Chase."

And now...

He's just come out with "I think I'll go downstairs and play about with tapioca."

(not a euphemism)

We've a lot of milk but still there's no excuse for sounding like something off DinnerLadies, Last Of The Summer Wine or Alan Bennett.

Mrs Jeremy  You're hilarious!  Your descriptions of Fester and his utterances really make me laugh out loud!

Bentonbag  When one of our next door neighbours moved out she gave us the contents of her cereal cupboard, that she couldn't be bothered to carry, including exotic things we never buy.  A couple of days later Fester stuck his head around the bedroom door and said, in pure Alan Bennett style, "Don't you find Shredded Wheat hard to eat."