Foot in Mouth #1

First posted May 2008

I must admit I sometimes engage my mouth before putting my brain into gear (as my Oldestbestfriend says). 

Here are a couple of examples, in all cases I was drinking lime and soda. 

The prim and easily shocked should read no further.

Though as my Oldestbestfriend's mother used to say "All is pure to the pure".

 

One night after Tyne Bridge practice we were in the Punchbowl and I mentioned it was Fester’s birthday.

"How old is he?" asked Drummerman

"51"

"Oh a good age" he commented - being that age himself at the time.

"Well I have to say you've worn a lot better” I replied “but I don't suppose you've abused yourself quite as much as he has."

Loud laughter from the fourpennies (as my mother used to say).

Another evening, in the same pub, we were discussing the reports about dogs being stolen and their skins being used in clothing and toys.  

Drummerman wondered aloud “Why dog fur?”

Deputy Squire suggested that it was because some dogs' fur was very soft and woolly.

"Yeah but what about something like a Bedlington terrier?" he asked

"Well "I suggested "You could always turn the skin inside out and use it as a muff."

In my innocence (and defence) I meant one of those cylindrical things you see ladies in Victorian snow-scenes keeping their hands warm in.  However the leer on Drummerman’s face caused Deputy Squire and me to become helpless with laughter and unable to speak for quite some time.  He, of course, refused to tell anyone else in the company why we were laughing until the tears ran down our legs.

(There are more, but I shall keep them for another blog )