Tuesday 10 May 2016

The First Tale of Chateau Midden

Many years ago, when I was bagman of Tyne Bridge Morris, I blogged about morris dancing on our local newspaper's website (the Newcastle Journal).  However stories about the family kept creeping in.

Stories about the family keep creeping into my facebook posts too.

Providing I can work the technology, I shall repeat them here with a new one most days until the blog has caught up with real life.

So here is the first Tale of Chateau Midden, from September 2007.

Saturday lie in

Number One son is autistic, Number Two is somewhere on the spectrum too – and I have distinct suspicions about their father.

On schooldays I have to virtually use a cattle prod to get Number One out of bed.

But, despite the fact he’s allowed up almost as late as he likes on Friday night, Saturday is a different story …

This morning Number One bounced out of bed shrieking “It’s six o’clock – wake up Mum and Dad” and came bounding into our room to turn the tv on.

He was told clearly, and at great volume, by his father to go downstairs to watch tv and to be quiet.

A few minutes later Number Two creeps in with “I need a cuddle”.  No sooner had he settled down than he was up again and sloped off downstairs to let the cat in.

Shortly after there was a kerfuffle in the living room with shrieks of “I’ll call the police”.

Leading to more completely ineffective roars of rage and “Shut up” from their recumbent father.

Eventually I stumbled downstairs to find Number Two trying to take contol of the tv, changing channels, turning up the volume and winding up his brother.

So they were both chased upstairs and back into bed.  Number Two was told in no uncertain terms that we knew what he was doing and he was to leave Number One in peace.  Then I had a few quiet words in their father's shell like about the logic of shouting at children not to shout - "it's like telling them not to effin’ swear".  Which past experience shows will make no difference but it got it off my chest.

Peace settled on Chateau Midden.

Until 7.30 when the postman rang the doorbell with a parcel.

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