CSI Newcastle

 First posted March 2009

For the umpteenth time the milk has disappeared from my doorstep.

But this time the cheeky beggars left a drained milk bottle stuck on top of my hedge, which was an insult too far.   

So, having once again ‘phoned my poor milkman, I called the police …

I’ve spoken to our milkman before and the poor man is driven to distraction by it.   

He actually knows where most of the milk goes (and it's not to Humphreys)

There is a gang of youths in this area who go around on pushbikes generally causing trouble.   

Not boyish mischief but anti-social, threatening behaviour.  Every couple of months in the early hours they collect milk from surrounding streets and put it all on one unfortunate pensioner’s doorstep.  She is woken up by the racket (you try unloading two dozen milk bottles silently) and looks out of the window to be gesticulated and shouted at by these yobs, who then cycle off into the dawn.

I told a nice, sympathetic, understanding young officer at Northumbria Police the whole saga.   
He was sympathetic and said that he’d had the same problem and now goes to the supermarket for his milk.  That’s all very well but why should the milkman be put out of business because of some lousy youths.  He also said I wasn’t being petty because it was theft.

His ears pricked up when I told him about the impudent bottle in the hedge.

“They may have left some forensics on it.  Do you think you could pick it up by the rim with a tea towel and put it in a bag for us?  I know it sounds a bit CSI Newcastle …”

Which is why my neighbours may have just witnessed me going out in my dressing gown, slippers and rubber gloves, carefully place the offending article in a freezer bag and put it by my doorstep.