In Case Of Emergency

From Facebook Archives

25 September 2022 at 17.05

A couple of evenings ago (after BobThaFitta had serviced the boiler) I gave in and put the central heating on.

It's on a timer (7-10pm)

Last night I was away at Druridge Bay, in preparation for the Skinny Dip, and forgot to turn it off.

Sitting on the bed with himself a little while ago I confessed that I'd left it on.

"I know! It was warm."

"And you couldn't have turned it off?"

"No idea how to, and no intention of finding out."

"Oh dear.  What are you going to do if anything happens to me?"

"Thunderthighs!"

(He doesn’t know either)

At First Sight

 

Sitting eating birthday cake with coffee, Fester looks at the display of cards on the mantelpiece and says

“My, you are a popular and well liked lady.”

“Looks like it.  Did you think it would end up like this when we first met and you said ‘What are you going out with that w*nker for?’?”

“I don’t know…but I remember thinking it was a waste.”

 

Ever the romantic!

Rainy Day Job

I would consider myself one of the world's worst housewives but every now and again I get the hwyl (as Granma used to say)

From Facebook Archives

22 September 2022

Seeing as it's too wet to mow or hang washing out, both boys were out and Fester down the Mining Institute, I decided today was a good day for a bit of a sort out.

When we were self-employed Fester and I bought far too much stationery (possibly due to tempting Viking special offers).  

It was stored under the office workbenches.   

So, on hands and knees, I dragged out five boxes of C4 envelopes and three of poly-pockets, put them on the landing and carried them, one by one, down to the hall.   

When Emil brought Ferretfingers back from swimming he took them over to LD:NorthEast where Gwenfron the book-keeper was delighted to have them.

Some years ago Bazoukiboy got all Fester's old books out from the attic at the flat so repairs could take place.  Similarly a load of them came out of the office at the flat.   

They were all put in numbered boxes and onto the top shelf in this office and the loft landing.  Where I've gradually covered them with bags of donated yarn: numerous sacks to be honest.

Up I went and shifted all the sacks into Tunderthighs' penthouse.  

I dragged out eight boxes of books, brought them one by one down to the office and put them in the space vacated by the stationery.  Then replaced all the sacks of yarn.

I really regretted putting on leggings, vest, thick shirt, jumper and denim pinafore dress this morning as it was "a bit chilly".

There were six trips up and down from the landing to the hall, carrying boxes, and a least eight from the loft to the landing.

I was covered in sweat and dust, put all my clothes into the laundry basket and lay in a hot foamy bath for a good half hour to recover.

Henlady  Great rainy day job, well done

Mrs Lasagne  Wow you have worked hard today Ben x a well deserved bath xxxx

Mrs Bun  Eeeeeh Ben I'm worn out reading this.....I think I need a soak in the tub nowx

Woolerwoman  Bet you're feeling a very well-earned inner glow from having a really good sort out.

Mrs Poet  You put me to shame, young woman!

Mrs Mobilephone  It does make you feel better though!!!

Mrs Heath  Sounds just like when we had to move all of the newspapers out of damp cellar at Fozzy's and didn't get as much as a thank you from Jackie!! Job well done, you deserve a good rest after all of that xx

Dulcima  Well done you! I've been doing something similar, sorting out boxes brought down from the attic, in readiness for moving.  The charity shops have got quite a bit of stuff, so have the recycling and the bin!

Well That Worked

 

Those of you dear readers with good memories may recall a blog from January this year “Winter Gardening” where I replaced part of our back fence with chimney pots and cuttings.

The blackcurrant cuttings have all taken, the two little plum trees and fuchsia are thriving, and as hoped the Loch Ness blackberry has leapt out of the pots. 

In addition there are planters of flowers, tomatoes and pumpkins.

Elsewhere on the estate …

Last spring I bought a packet of watercress in Tesco, ate most but put some small bits with rootlets on in the pond.  They've done so well they are more than holding their own against the water mint and some are making a bid to escape the pond onto the lawn.

The only thing that worries me is what will happen over the winter.

Will they deter frogs from hibernating in the pond?

And will we get any frogspawn next spring.

 

Lambs Tale

From Facebook Archives

20 September 2022 at 15.20

Another interesting session at Ouseburn Farm.

The FarmLad is off on holiday/has a bad leg (depending on who you speak to) so we were in the hands of a Nice Young Lass.

First job get the sheep out into the field.

Last week FarmLad put a lot of time, and effort, into separating the four adult ewes from the 19 mostly bottle-fed and now half grown 'lambs'.  They were sexed (purple paint for the boys yellow for the girls) and put in a separate pen.

NiceYoungLass wonders whether we should put them all out in the same field. I suggest FarmLad might not be best pleased at that, so it was just the lambs to put out.

Ferretfingers, a couple of other trainees and I went out to block off any exits between the farm and the field.

In the middle of the fairy bridge there was a woman with a collie cross off the lead.  I shouted, politely, asking her to put her dog on the lead as "there are sheep coming".  She did but the lambs arrived too soon.  Half went past into the field.  The rest turned tail and went back into the courtyard pen (much to the consternation of the ewes) where someone shut the gate on them.

So another bucket of sheep-nuts was got and a second run of lambs made, with the nuts thrown as far into the field as possible to keep them all in (much to the joy of the resident rats and pigeons).

Second job, walk the goats to their foraging area full of brambles, going the longest way possible so they get some exercise.  Robson and Jerome are not in a good mood, alternately pulling like hell or stopping dead.  At one point Ferretfingers let go of Robson's lead and he had to be cornered and caught.  And Jerome head butted me sideways when I tried to shift him.

Next mucking out the lambs' pen and putting in clean straw.

Three wheelbarrows were filled with muck and one of the trainees trundled off with it to the clamp in the field where the lambs were.

There was a loud bleating, thirteen lambs appeared in the courtyard and put themselves back into the pen.

The gormless bugger hadn't thought to shut the gate and the person on the next barrow wasn't quick enough.

So when we left at lunchtime there were: six lambs in the field bleating because they were on their own;  thirteen in the courtyard pen bleating in reply to their missing flockmates; and four ewes bleating because the lambs were upset.

McChurch  Blimey, there’s more to this farming malarkey than you think.

 

Wrong Numbers

For once one not about cold callers.

From Facebook Archives

19 September 2013 at 23:11

Phone rang this evening so I answered it with

"Good Evening."

"Ye left a message on my answering machine about me labrador."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did, Ah've got an email here with yer number on."

"And what number are you trying to ring?"

She gives me a number which is an anagram of mine so I told her what number she had actually rung.

"Oh right" she says and rings off - no sorry, no thankyou no kissmyastrakancoat.

Just a good thing Fester didn't answer it.

His reply to a caller the other day was "If your name's John mine's Ibrahim - now pea soff!"

St Bernard  I got used to people hanging up on me a lot when I answered the phones at Community Furniture Service, but even that was preferable to the number of times I got ranted at or told to fuck off because some me-me-me type phoned up and wanted their donation picked up straight away.  Funnily enough, we weren't sitting around waiting for just their call, we had a roster booked for several days ahead.  Who'd have thought?😛

Sandy   Our number was one digit removed from the number for the Shields Road parcel office.  I twigged when we got one of those " sorry you weren't in" postcards; the fold in the card was where they stamped the number so's it was always smudged.  Still at 02.30 in the morning you'd have thought people might think the parcel office might not be open.

Bess Cavalier  The public seem to think I have the councillors stashed in a cupboard and that I can wheel one out whenever they need to speak to one.  Doesn't help when the switchboard implies to the caller that they are being put through to a councillor, rather than the person who can give them the contact details.