A Good Ratter

This tale contains graphic scenes which may discombobulate readers of a nervous disposition

The Doozers dwell in the other half of this semi.  We share front and back garden fences and, fortunately, similar opinions on gardening and wildlife.

As previously mentioned Jessie-cat from No3 is a regular visitor to our house and, despite (or perhaps because of) my protests Fester feeds him.  I believe there are two other reasons why Jessie keeps calling: 

    his house has three small children; 

    they’ve locked their cat-flap because he kept bringing in dead (half-dead?) rodents.

A couple of weeks ago we had a few days away leaving feeding our cats in the capable hands of Miss Doozer.  On the third day she sent me this text

“I have just found Jessie Cat down the end of our garden with, literally, a rat’s ass.  Arse, two feet and a tail.  Turns out, if you don’t feed him, he makes his own entertainment.”

Both the Doozers and we put out bird feeders which, unfortunately, attract rats.   

I also blame neighbours who put up double fencing and decking which provide highways, hotels and homes for rodents.  To be honest we’re not that bothered as long as they keep themselves to themselves (rodents, that is, not neighbours but ...).   

However, when they start climbing up the trees and down onto the feeders (quite ratrobatically) and/or knocking the feeders onto the ground then it gets a bit much.

One would think three cats in the vicinity would put them off but …

Last Sunday I facebook-messaged Miss Doozer

16.46

“There's been a rat up the tree after the birdfood.  Yesterday as I was sitting under the bower, with Teddy at my feet, looking at the tadpoles, a rat climbed through some vegetation into the pond, had a drink and went away again without Teddy stirring a hair.  Once the rat was gone Teddy went and sat on the bistro chair and looked at where the rat had been.  He did once sort of put his haunches up and I thought he might pounce - but no.

Just now looking out of the bedroom window I saw a magpie on the bower bench.  It went behind and, after a few pecks, brought out a rat.  Which it has proceeded to peck to death.  It tried to fly away with it but it was too heavy so dropped it.  It is now proceeding to consume it, bit by bit, on the lawn.

Meanwhile Teddy is snoozing inside the coldframe.

I'd blog about this but then Mrs Leftfoot would never visit me again.”

She replied

16.50

“Lovely

Glad to see the magpie doing its bit.

Out of the boys, Jessie is the ratter.

Saw him going for them each evening at sundown”

Bentonbag 16.53

“I think the magpie was cheesed off at getting its food nicked. Good for Jessie.

I think Felix is past it now, and Teddy's a paper tiger.”

Miss Doozer 16.55

“Magpie may also have a nest nearby

Offence being the best form of defence”

Bentonbag 16.56

“One did fly off a couple of weeks ago with a smaller rodent Teddy had left on the lawn (not convinced he dispatched it).  Lots of fresh meat for the chicks.”

Miss Doozer 16.58

“The chickens on the yard eat the rats despatched by the cats and terriers.  Lovely eggs with rich yellow yolks.  Yum”

After entirely hollowing out the rat, leaving only its skin with head, feet and tail still attached, the magpie walked through a gap in the fence into the Doozer’s garden.

Then first thing Monday morning Miss Doozer messaged me

07.21

“The magpie has either got another rat, or the same rat, and it is eating it in our garden.”

07.38 Bentonbag

“I put the hollowed out rat remains on the bird table and it went quite quickly so I think it's another rat.  Hopefully the one after the bird food.  Go magpie!”

07.43 Miss Doozer

“In the Terry Pratchett Ankh Morpork books (the ones with Wizards or the City Watch), there is a Dwarf (think the gold and singing type) eatery called Gimlet's Hole Food Delicatessen

Menu reads

Fried rat

Soya rat

Pizza "Quatre rodenti"

07.44 Bentonbag

“No Rat a Toowee?”

07.45 Miss Doozer

“Oh god

You have to blog this

Drummerman would be in his element”