Not That Sort Of Doctor

Fester (BSc MSc PhD FRES) spent his career in scientific research, mostly in entomology, and has written hundreds of  papers about insects, their distribution, biogeography, etc, which have been published in learned journals.  

His statistical expertise (number crunching) means he's worked with other researchers so that his name has also appeared in the list of co-authors in many papers produced by the agricultural department (it’s had many titles over the years) of Newcastle University; these have included comparisons of the vitamins and minerals in carrots and milk produced by conventional and organic farming.

Because of this he regularly receives emails inviting him to submit papers to journals or speak at scientific conferences.  These quickly find their way into the spam or trash box.   

Apart from the fact he no longer has any interest in submitting papers or speaking, the invitations are mainly irrelevant to his areas of expertise.

This one, reproduced yesterday on Facebook, was a doozy.

 

12 February 2023 at 14.00 

Fester has just received an email opening with the following:

 "Dear Dr. Fester,

Hope you receive this letter in a wonderful mood. Please accept my apology if this email bothers you.

On behalf of ICGO committee, we would like to officially invite you to attend and give an oral speech at The 9th International Congress of Gynaecology and Obstetrics-2023 on July 17-19, 2023 in Lisbon, Portugal. "

There is so much to unpick in those three sentences I'm lost for words.

FifiD  Howling with laughter here!!!!Mind blown!!!!

Cousin Daisy  Same here Fifi.  Relaxes all muscles. What a hoot. Xx

Mrs Leftfoot  I'm with Fifi! Laughing out loud.

Paganess  That raised a laugh even from me today. Thank you *

Mc Church  I bet he could bluff it out with a bit of research.

Miss Doozer  An oral speech? As opposed to.....

McChurch  Anal ?

Bentonbag  That's what he usually speaks out of.   When he's not talking bollocks.

Miss Doozer  There is a joke in here about academic seminars in general...

Mercy Dunn  That sounds perfect for him … I hope he has a nice time

Woolerwoman  A little sideline? Are they paying?

Bazoukiboy  Dr Fester at your cervix...  And if that wasn't enough, imagine his womb side manner...

Drummerman  We’re all glad you shared that - from uterus.

 *Sadly Paganess’ little dog died in a road traffic incident yesterday.