Sunday 24 May 2020

Hear Sayings



'Phone rings.

Satellite delay.

Asian lady, and 
after the preliminary "Am I speaking to" from her 
and "Who are you" from me, 
"Hello madam my name is Sandra I'm calling from House & Home with just a few questions ..."

This request was denied and after I put the phone down Thunderthighs, who was on the stairs outside the office, piped up

"Sandra my arse"

"Did you hear that over the phone out there?"

"Yes"

"Ears like a bat!" I said with not a little wonder.

"Runs in the family" was the tart reply.

"Like a wooden leg" as my old mum used to say.

***

Today I introduced him to another of his grandmother’s bon mots.  
I’d been failing to get Fester’s attention by shouting up the stairs in the vain hope he’d actually hear me inside the office.   
Frustrated I stomped into the living room with “Deaf as an eight handled piss pot.”
Thunderthighs looked up from his lunch and raised a Roger Moore-esque eybrow.
“A what?”
“It was one of your grandma’s sayings.  Well, actually she usually said 'Deaf as an eight handled posspit' but she meant piss pot. I have no idea why an eight handled piss pot would be any deafer than one with just one handle, but there you are.  Don’t know where she got it from but it’s what she used to say.”

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