The Boys' Bedtime Routine

Golden girls & boys all must, like chimney sweepers come to dust

Looking, as usual, for something

else I found this document dated 

19 May 2006, obviously prepared for a baby sitter (probably Sienna Pond).

That was the year many of the Kingsmen Sword Dancers and Tyne Bridge Morris turned 50 and I was delegated by Fester to organise a Golden Girls & Boys weekend. 

This was one of the few occasions we’ve gone to a social event together, as a couple.

Ferretfingers will have been eleven and Thunderthighs nine years old.

 

  THE BOYS’ BEDTIME ROUTINE

About 9 Thunderthighs will go for a poo in the downstairs toilet. 

(He may ask you to come and admire it – sorry)

He has 5ml of sodium pico sulphide each night – it’s in the cupboard above the kettle.

Then he has his bath – he likes the water to come over his toes, and not to be too hot.

There should be enough hot water as we’ve had the immersion on.

After he’s washed his face, armpits and boys’ bits he’ll need his teeth cleaning – his is the astronaut toothbrush.

He can get in his pyjamas ok – and no longer needs a pad (Hoorah)

At 9.30ish he’ll ask for Ferretfingers to be brought up.

Ferretfingers goes into the same water and will happy splash around until it freezes over.

When you think he’s washed everything then he needs his teeth cleaning too.

His is the pink Hermione toothbrush.

Ferretfingers will sometimes wear his nightshirt, but usually sleeps au natural.

After bath the boys watch tv in the big bed.

Thunderthighs will happily go to sleep in his own bed with the side light on, and may take himself there sometime after 10.

Ferretfingers may need to be sent.

He’s quite good at going after whatever programme he watches – but he likes to watch to the end of the credits.

It’s wise to make him go for a last wee before he goes to sleep – just to make sure of a dry bed.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO MAKE TEA, COFFEE, HOT CHOCOLATE OR WHATEVER, AND TO EAT WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND. 

THE BOYS KNOW WHERE THE BISCUIT TIN IS.

***

What is most remarkable about the above is the fact that so little has changed about their bedtime routines.  Except these days Thunderthighs runs the bath, they clean their own teeth and Ferretfingers doesn’t have to be reminded to go for a wee.

 

Tales of Chateau Midden is taking a little break, but should be back in early June 

(if we’re spared!)  Fester has suggested that as there is wifi in the cottage we’re staying in I could do a blog from there using one of the boys’ laptops.  “A holi-blog!”

That is not happening.

Laptop Lapse

Every fortnight Haymarket Rapper (i.e. aged Kingsmen) get together on Zoom to check they are all still alive, discuss past exploits, share old photos, sometimes have a little quiz and plan future get-togethers, when this present unpleasantness allows.   

Haymarket owes its origins to Fester realising at his brother’s funeral that his old friends and acquaintances needed to find better ways of getting together than someone’s death.  As normal he now delegates organising things to someone else, for once not me.   

A couple of times a year they meet up in a designated town for a weekend of visiting pubs for dancing and drinking (not necessarily in that order).  As this has had to stop, for the past year or so the Micromanagement has organised Zoom links and reminders.

Of course there was no way Fester was going to take part in Zoom meetings.  

Oh no!  I could be sociable if I wished but he would just carry on with his list of pits.

Our office is the box-room over the stairs with a work-surface fitted to two and a bit walls (the door takes up the rest of the room).  Fester sits facing the window reading from his laptop and inputting onto his desktop pc.  The laptop was liberated from the University when he retired some years ago, but he has “spent money on it getting a new hard drive put in.”  I sit at right angles to him using the ‘main’ computer, which has the webcam and microphone (which is another saga).  So viewers see a sort of two headed monster:  me facing them and him in profile.

Once a meeting starts he, naturally, cannot contain himself from commenting.   

I frequently mute just so everyone else can hear themselves think.   

He also keeps popping up and down to fetch maps from the top shelves and, as he never has his shirt buttoned, viewers are treated to unwelcome flashes of his naked belly; like some vast hairy full moon.

Our image is frequently enlivened by the appearance of Thunderthighs on his way to or from the bath, cats' tails and once Felix’s head Batman like in the bottom of the screen.  We are regularly distracted as a cat walks across the back of Fester’s laptop and we wonder which F key (both meanings) it’s going to step on.

At the most recent Haymarket Zoom Felix jumped up onto the desk, his tail passed across the camera, he walked along the back of the laptop missing all the keys and finally settled down and curled up next to the cooling fan vent where it’s nice and warm.  The laptop ceased to function.  Fester assumed it had overheated and removed it from beside the somewhat miffed cat.  He tried to restart it several times but only succeeded once and then it immediately closed down again.

Despite (because of?) the distraction we had an enjoyable meeting and agreed to do it all over again in a fortnight.  

Then it was “Are Monkseaton Computers open tomorrow? … What time do they open? … Can you email them?”

These were the emails

Fester’s laptop

25/5/2021 21:14

To Monkseaton Computers

Hi

Fester's laptop has ceased to function so he'd like to bring it down today/this morning (Wednesday) to see whether you might be able to bring it back to life, or at least get the data off.

Please phone our landline if it's not convenient.

Cheers

Ben

ps He can pay for our bullguard while he's there

 

 

Ignore my previous email

25/5/2021 21:50

To Monkseaton Computers

According to Fester "The cat has pulled out the power supply and shoved it down the back of the radiator so the computer was complaining about having no power"

It's never ending fun in this house !

Kind regards

Ben

 

The laptop is now properly plugged in and functioning as well as ever, cats permitting.

 

 

Charity Shopping

90p partyfrock

Something I’ve really missed during the present unpleasantness has been Charity Shopping.

Our family loves a good Charity Shop, Middlesister even volunteers in one. She and Bigsister trawl all the ones on Finchley High Street when she visits. Between Christmas and New Year Thunderthighs and I trawl all the ones on Shields Road Byker for next year’s cards at half price.  It’s become a tradition, he even asks which day we’re going to do it.

Charity Shopping fulfils a number of desires and requirements: recycling, parsimony, thrift and the need to do some good.   

Some of our most loved items of clothing came from a charity shop.  They’re also an excellent source of reading material and Ferretfingers immediately homes in on the DVDs and board games.

We also donate all our old worn out clothes and shoes to the charity shop for the ‘rag man’.   When none of us were allowed to go to ‘un-necessary’ shops a good half a dozen bags of stuff sat in the hall waiting to be taken up.

Every now and then I donate and item of clothing that I really don’t like, or bought by mistake, probably from a charity shop.  Unless a friend wants to read it, most books I finish go back as donations.

£1 coat has lasted years

When the un-necessary shops reopened I made up for lost time 

From Facebook

 

14/5/21

Went up the village yesterday to buy a birthday card and came home with: 3 birthday cards, 2 balls of wool, a pretty little black chemise style vest, a pendant, about twenty Christmas coloured/scented tea lights, a blue&white plate for the delft rack and a nice big backpack (because you always need a spare).  

Total spent in St Oswalds Hospice Shop £11.  

Two of the cards came from the Post Office.  

I'm going to have to have a little rearrangement of the delft rack ...

15/5/21

Went up the village again yesterday as I had a birthday present to post and couldn't resist another rake around St Oswald's hospice shop.  Came away with:-

A lovely little colourful roll-up shopping bag with pop-fastening envelope, colourful means it's far easier to find inside a handbag (why do they always have black linings?),  

A birthday card for the stash, 

Some red Christmas candles, 

And 2 one pint John Smith beer glasses for the boys to have their water in at mealtimes.   

I thought Thunderthighs would demur at drinking water out of a branded beer glass, but he was ok.

 

Sartorial or Wot?

From Facebook Archives

25 May 2013 at 10:52 ·

Both boys out in shorts today.

Anyone would think it is summer.

Thunderthighs's are red with white patterned side panels which he has combined with a black logoed t-shirt, green socks and white trainers.  No reason to believe he's not inherited my Dad's daltonism.*

26 May 2013 at 10:38 ·

Two fine days in a row!!!

Fester has gone off for a walk to Killingworth - with sunhat, sunblock, water but no mobile phone.

Thunderthighs has gone to Kingston Park.   

Today's outfit is a black logoed t-shirt, cross-of-St-George shorts (tight!), black socks, white trainers and an England cricket cap.   

Thank goodness the EDL march was yesterday.

Ferretfingers has every intention of taking me to the Metro centre - but seeing as neither of us is dressed yet don't hold your breath ...

27 May 2013 at 09:33 ·

Today's Thunderthighs ensemble comprises a bright yellow with bright red Eastfield steam punk logo t-shirt, camouflage long shorts, powder blue socks and white trainers.

* Daltonism

As a child I was fascinated by the fact that Dad couldn’t tell whether a holly tree had berries or not until he was close up to it.  He had originally wanted to join the Navy, 

but being able to distinguish red from green is pretty vital at sea, so he joined the RAF instead.

Daltonism, also called protanopia, is colour blindness resulting from insensitivity to red light, causing confusion of greens, reds, and yellows.  It is hereditary, and is the commonest form of colour blindness.  It’s carried on the X chromosome so if a woman’s father has daltonism there is a 50% chance of her sons having it.   

Knowing this I was prepared and alert for my boys to have it.  

Ferretfingers seems to be fine.  

Thunderthighs once told me the flamingo in a picture was “grey”.

 

Strange Day Chez Chateau Midden

From Facebook Archives

The cwtchdanstar pre 'improvements'

24 May 2017 at 22:23

It's been a strange day chez Chateau Midden.

 

I was up and showered early to take the car to Kwikfit for a 6 month service and to see my GP mainly about my sore Achilles tendon and some routine bloods.  I'm slightly low on vitamin D but nothing sun and diet can't make right.  I'm slightly high on sugars 

"I'll refer you for physio. Go away, lose some weight, come back in 3 months and we'll do a full lot of bloods" 

(Oh joy oh flaming rapture).

 

Home to empty the cwchdanstar for the return of the smart-meter-man 

(he phoned in sick last week so this is the second time I've done this). 

 

Fester and Ferretfingers are out but as soon as they return I have to stop doing what I want and pay attention to them.

 

Go to fetch car from Kwikfit. 

 

When I get back 

"Will Fixit rang, he's coming to put those shelves in the front units."

Bugger!   

More stuff to shift, and I have to shift most of the other stuff I've shifted before in order to shift that stuff because it's behind/in front of it.

But the good news is the bit of lino left over from doing the bathroom is just right to replace the ancient rotting stuff on the cwtchdanstar floor, which is conveniently clear.

 

Smart-meter-man arrives and does his stuff.

Will Fixit arrives, fits shelves and when SMM has gone puts the lino in the cwchdanstar.

 

Fester has bought tomato and cucumber seedlings which have to be potted on immediately - so other gardening plans go out the window.

 

I put the stuff back in the cwchdanstar, but it is now teatime and my back is hinting it's had enough.

 

Most of the afternoon Thunderthighs has been mithering that he hasn't seen Teddy since breakfast.  I hadn't noticed that I hadn't seen him either.  Half way through tea the wanderer returns very skittish and frightened with an oil patch between his shoulder-blades.  Our best guess is he's been asleep under a vehicle which has driven off and startled him and/or got himself locked in somewhere.  We did a warm water and vegetable oil wipe to try and get the oil off.  He's now sleeping on the spare bed.   

I had wanted to hoover behind the stuff I've had to shift but it terrifies Teddy and he's had enough: so the living room is still a bomb site of shifted furniture and stuff.

 

And the dishes haven't been done so the cook muttered about that.

 

And Ferretfingers keeps saying "I'm upset about Manchester"   

Mrs Lasagne  Phew and breath Ben xxx 😘 ❤️

FifiD Busy day xxx

Ms PH  You need someone to drive you to drink.  With a nice meal and some good music.  Glad Teddy relatively unscathed. Xxx

Mrs Banjoman  Right. Can't comment on most of that but I did go to my GP about pain in my lower leg which was diagnosed as an Achilles problem.  Options were: referral to physio OR look up the exercises on NHS help line.  Did the latter and they worked! After only a few exercises. Of course, if you have a different problem, they might hinder rather than help but always worth a look.

ET  I had to look up cwchdanstar, my original guess was downstairs something else

Henlady  Glad Teddy is back and OK.

 

Second Jabs

The boys had their second inoculations on Friday morning: a benefit of being on our GP’s special needs list.   We were there at 9.15 for the 9.30 appointment/opening time.

 

There was a queue but it was all very well organised.  Apart from the fact that the clip-board ladies, one Mature and the other a Millennial, checking the names of people in the queue had been given lists not in alphabetical order.  They had  half a dozen A4sheets each to flip through to find people.

The Mature lady turned to the Millennial and said 

"Go to the computer and get these printed out in alphabetical order.  It'll take about 14 seconds to change them."

Millennial can't see how this will make any difference and says 

"But they're listed by appointment time!"

Mature lady "Yes, but people aren't arriving by appointment time.  It'll be easier and faster if even just the first names are in alphabetical order."

Millennial looks miffed but goes back in the centre.

 

Why did no-one have the sense to think to print the names in alphabetical order to make them easier to find?  Because there were a good half dozen vaccinators with people arriving and queuing at anything up to half an hour earlier than their appointment.

 

The ladies also handed out pre-printed vaccination cards so the medical staff didn’t have to faff about with writing them after the jab.

 

As usual Thunderthighs did the drama queen thing, wrapped his scarf around his eyes and was ow-ow-ow-ing well after the needle was removed.

He insisted on a plaster.

The nurse said "I haven't any plasters but you can have some cotton wool and tape."

By this time he was stood up; all 6 foot 3½ inches of him.

At 5 foot 3 she tapes the cotton wool as far up his arm as she can reach. 

He says “No.  Not there, you injected me further up.”

“I can’t reach that high now you’re standing up.”

He hunkered down and she (God bless her) stuck another lump of cotton wool higher up.

 

Ferretfingers, on the other hand, sat stoically silently watching, didn’t flinch and didn’t want any dressing.

 

When we got home Thunderthighs went immediately to the Elastoplast box in the kitchen and had his father replace the cotton wool dressing with the tiniest plaster we have.  Only Fester couldn’t see the puncture so put a plaster where both balls had been.

 

At tea time I asked Thunderthighs what his plans were for Saturday

“Feeling ill”.

 

Such an optimistic little soul.

(They were both fine with no side or after effects, thank you for asking)

Thunderthighs recovering at home after his first vaccination