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WARNING – this post contains undeleted expletives and vulgarity unsuitable for the delicate minded.
Preparing the blog yesterday morning and at 07.45 the phone rang.
There was
a satellite delay then an oriental male voice said “Hello?”
“Hello”
“Am I
speaking to Miss Benton Bag?”
“Who are
you?”
“I am
calling you from Microsoft.”
“And who
are you?”
“My name
is Brad Stevens and I am calling you from Microsoft.”
(If his
mother calls him Brad then I’m a Dutchman.)
“Where
are you calling from?”
“I said I
am calling you from Microsoft” slowly as if to an idiot or very old deaf person
“Microsoft is a computing company.”
“I heard
that my patronising friend and I know what Microsoft is. Where are you calling me from
geographically?”
“I am
calling you from Microsoft Computing, one hundred Valley Park, Reading, RG6
1WZ.”
“And what
is the weather like there in Reading this morning?”
“What! You want a weather report! If you want a weather report call the weather
service. I am calling you from
Microsoft!”
“Well you
called me so I can ask you whatever I like really, and I don’t really believe
you are calling me from Reading.”
“Fucking
bitch” repeated several times.
As those
who know me (and have read https://bentonbag.blogspot.com/2021/10/hard-but-fair.html)
I am unmoved by foul language and can dole it out quite imaginatively myself
when the situation demands - and sometimes when it doesn’t.
“You do
realise, darling, that using such language on the telephone is a criminal
offence.”
“You know
what you can do? You can suck off my dick. Fucking bitch…”
“Really?”
“You know
what you sound like? You sound like a
whore …etc…”
“Well to
me you sound like a very inadequate little man who is so small I doubt anybody
could find your dick, let alone suck it.”
At which
point he left the conversation.
I
wandered into the bedroom where Fester lay watching Breakfast TV.
“It
sounded like you held up your end quite well” he said by way of a compliment
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