Cold Caller Baiting #30 Language!

WARNING – this post contains undeleted expletives and vulgarity unsuitable for the delicate minded.

Preparing the blog yesterday morning and at 07.45 the phone rang.

There was a satellite delay then an oriental male voice said “Hello?”

“Hello”

“Am I speaking to Miss Benton Bag?”

“Who are you?”

“I am calling you from Microsoft.”

“And who are you?”

“My name is Brad Stevens and I am calling you from Microsoft.”

(If his mother calls him Brad then I’m a Dutchman.)

“Where are you calling from?”

“I said I am calling you from Microsoft” slowly as if to an idiot or very old deaf person “Microsoft is a computing company.”

“I heard that my patronising friend and I know what Microsoft is.  Where are you calling me from geographically?”

“I am calling you from Microsoft Computing, one hundred Valley Park, Reading, RG6 1WZ.”

“And what is the weather like there in Reading this morning?”

“What!  You want a weather report!  If you want a weather report call the weather service.  I am calling you from Microsoft!”

“Well you called me so I can ask you whatever I like really, and I don’t really believe you are calling me from Reading.”

“Fucking bitch” repeated several times.

As those who know me (and have read https://bentonbag.blogspot.com/2021/10/hard-but-fair.html) I am unmoved by foul language and can dole it out quite imaginatively myself when the situation demands - and sometimes when it doesn’t.

“You do realise, darling, that using such language on the telephone is a criminal offence.”

“You know what you can do?  You can suck off my dick.  Fucking bitch…”

“Really?”

“You know what you sound like?  You sound like a whore …etc…”

“Well to me you sound like a very inadequate little man who is so small I doubt anybody could find your dick, let alone suck it.”

At which point he left the conversation.

I wandered into the bedroom where Fester lay watching Breakfast TV.

“It sounded like you held up your end quite well” he said by way of a compliment