Cold Caller #8 Christmas Spirit

From Facebook Archives

23 December 2015 at 09:20 ·

Yesterday the mobile rang and it was a young man with a South London Asian accent with the "According to our records you've had a car accident in the last three years" spiel.

So I went into my whole "No I haven't … You're records are wrong … Where did you get this number?" shtick.

Whereupon he said "Well to be honest with you Ben, we buy the information from data providers, you'll have put your number on some survey or something and they've sold it on to us."

"Well, I've never put down that I've had a car accident" I said "So you spend your whole day phoning complete strangers on the off-chance that they've been in a car crash?"

"Well" he replied "It's a job.  It could be worse.  I could be out in the cold scraping up dog poo and putting it in a bag."

I couldn't help but laugh and wish him a Merry Christmas and a better New Year.

The Innate Hostility Of Inanimate Objects

In January Fester bought us a new desktop pc as the one we were using was getting on for six years old and gone very slow.  He also bought me a data storage thingy to download and archive everything I treasured on the computer.   

 

A few weeks ago the old computer started having difficulty starting up.   

The fan would come on but not the little blue light or whir-clunk that indicated the computer was awake.  I had to pull the plug, reinsert it and press the on/off switch two or three times before it would play.

 

At the start of this month I began archiving starting with the oldest stuff and, once I’d downloaded a lot of photographs the computer speeded up considerably.  But the on/off switch wasn’t getting any better and yesterday morning finally gave up the ghost: fortunately after I’d blogged.

I dug out the new computer and set it all up and it’s working very nicely, so far.

The problem is, I was still using Outlook Express for my emails so all my Sent emails are gone.   That includes the emails I used to alert people to this blog, together with the addresses.   Every morning I copied and pasted the addresses for the day before into the BCC box.   So today I’m trying to remember who was on the list.   I fear some will be disappointed and others surprised (“Why has she sent me this?”)

Changing computers of course involved shifting a lot of stuff that has piled up in the office.  It’s been due a sort out for a long long time, and I must confess most of the detritus is mine.   But I had other things to do yesterday, like dress a tree, wrap stuff and ironing.

It would appear computers, like washing machines, know the most inappropriate and inconvenient times to die.  I had a Skoda with a similar mentality; if it was going to go wrong it was almost always two days before we were due to drive down to Wales on holiday.  Its gearbox actually went on holiday once.  Although it was kind enough to do it where there was mobile phone coverage.  A hundred yards further on and we’d have been really stymied.

In the New Year I shall take the old computer to the lovely lads at Monkseaton Computers (whom God and all his angels and saints preserve because we couldn’t cope without them) and I’m sure they’ll be able to retrieve all the photos and videos that are the true treasures.  They hold out little hope for the address book though.

My Christmas Round Robin letter wasn’t archived so only people who were sent it in their cards will be able to read it.  Those who usually get it via email or Facebook are just going to have to wait until the New Year.

So, if you usually get an email from me alerting you to my blog and haven’t had one today, please email me so I have an up to date address for you. 

And if you’ve had one and usually don’t, sorry for bothering you.

Deliberate? (warning - contains nudity)

 From Facebook archives

21 December 2018 at 19:21 ·

Just had this email from a friend, who is not on Facebook:-

 

Dear Ben,
Whilst rootling in the wrapping paper/greetings card drawer I have just rediscovered your 2017 Christmas Letter.
What struck me was the contrast between your 2017 pose (hair up, hands demurely folded, no flesh between neck and wrist, reading from the lectern at a carol service) and this year's offering

(loose-maned, completely naked on a public beach, with a 'do I give a tinker's luck?' expression on your face). 

Was this deliberate?

N. xxx

 

Just in case you're wondering - no it wasn't.

Mrs Lasagne Hahahahaha

Ms Birthdaysuit Love It!! Lol xx

Guitarmantwo Good to know that people are paying attention.

 

Washer Down

Two things I love about this old Facebook thread:-

The inevitability of the washer breaking down at the most awkward time of the year, i.e. immediately before Christmas.

The way everyone piles in with advice …

20 December 2009 at 11:12 ·

Thunderthighs has just gone out all alone in the snow and ice to get the Observer for his father who is lying snoring in bed

Miss Fiddle Has he come back yet?

Bentonbag He was out for some time but has returned

20 December 2009 at 11:54 ·

NEED HELP Anyone know anything about fixing washing machines?  Mine's making a noise like it's got a brick in it every time it spins and sounds like a poorly Concorde taking off as it winds up to spin.  Otherwise it's a trip to John Lewis' tomorrow

Mrs Elswitch Sounds like the ball bearings.  The man who fixes them for my flats usually says it's more expensive to fix than getting a new one.

The Squireen I agree with Mrs Elswitch you will probably have to get a new washer

The Boatman Could be the mountings though - it's worth getting the sides off...

Mr Pearl Tried it once - never again

Bentonbag Been to John Lewis, ordered new washer, arrives 29 Dec - could have had it on 24th but couldn't face Xmas Eve sorting out the kitchen.  Have poss-stick and bucket to keep up with underwear and socks until then.  Fester's paying.

Bentonbag Boatman - you show a touching faith in Fester's ability as a handyman - or mine!!!

Mr Gobiron You did right.  Modern household appliances are not amenable to fixing by home handypersons.  I say this as a fully trained engineer who served his time in the domestic appliances trade, and couldn't fix a busted tumble-drier when ours went.  Almost certainly, even if you could figure it out, you'd need a part that needs ordering, and then you’d have to strip the thing to its underwear to fit the thing and still no guarantee.  A proper repair person could probably do it, but the chances are that the bill is almost as bad as buying a new one.

Bentonbag Can you imagine the apocalyptical and apoplectic amount of swearing there'd be if Fester attempted anything like that? Like I say about motorcycling - not until he's made a will and take out life insurance.

The Boatman I do understand how it is.  But just occasionally it turns out to be something easy and cheaper than a new white box.  But think how nice a new nice box will be...

Bentonbag The old one was getting on for 10 years old and had been seen to once.  And 10 years in this house is worth 30 in any other so it owes us nowt.

 

Sentimentality & Dust

From Facebook archives.

19 December 2016 at 09:46 ·

Opening the Nineteenth window of the Advent Calendar.  

To do list down to 8 items.  

The tree is up and resting before decorating today.  

In order to put up the tree the corner it was to go in had to be sorted. 

So I took the opportunity to move the amp, tuner, cd player and record deck that was Phil’s music system as the amp hasn’t worked properly for years and we now have a new compact sound centre that does all that plus mp3 and cassette playing. 

This involved hoovering places that haven’t seen the light of day in years, removing and rewiring plugs, and the unearthing of various treasures. 

I left the old speakers where they were, and if you know anyone who could use a pair of Wharfdales, or a really good record deck that needs its plug back on, or any of the rest, let me know and they can have them once the tree is down.    

On my knees, half in the alcove, under a shelf and up to my nose in dust and wires I suddenly thought

 “You know what it is; Phil would have replaced this system twice by now had he lived”.   

Which blew away any feelings of sentimentality.   

That and the fact he was an ‘all the cables down the back out of sight’ man which makes moving stuff that much more awkward.  

The new sound centre had been waiting in its box a good few months so the sense of satisfaction was quite big.

 

 

My first husband Phil died of cancer in 1992, I've stayed in our house.

A good home was found for all the items mentioned.

Say That Again

Some years ago Bigsister asked if I could help with something for her mother-in-law, who had become aged and infirm and felt the cold badly in her arthritic knees.  Mother-in-law didn’t want a knee blanket because she feared tripping over it getting up from her chair, and she didn’t want to look like an old lady.

Fortunately I have a very old knitting pattern book (so old they are called ‘recipes’ not patterns) and in there I found two knitted knee cap patterns.;  within a week a pair of fluffy pink knee caps were in the post.

When our Asian post-mistress asked “What’s in the package?”    (I hate being asked what I'm posting) I was delighted to reply 

“A pair of knitted knee caps for my sister’s mother-in-law.”   

Admirably she didn’t bat an eyelid.

 

In a phone call a couple of weeks ago Bigsister mentioned that her husband was ‘going the same way as his mother and suffering with his knees’, and could I help.  

I no longer have any Angora type yarn in a suitable manly colour but I do have a huge ball of black ‘Aran’ which I use for edging blankets.

Writing the Christmas cards and letters has slowed me down but yesterday afternoon I finally finished the knee-caps.   

I’ve started to keep a record of my bits of needlework to share on Facebook (and elsewhere).  

Black is not an easy colour to photograph.  

As it was getting dark I put a pale coloured cushion on a chair near the living-room light, laid the knee caps on it to get a good contrasting background, and took the photo.

Later, watching Pointless, Thunderthighs asked “Mu-um, why have you put a cushion on this rocking chair?”

“Because I wanted to take a photo of the knee caps.”

Fester burst out laughing.

“What’s wrong?” I asked “It’s perfectly true.”

“It’s also one of the most surreal things that’s ever been said in this house.”

Seemed a perfectly reasonable reply to me.

Cold Caller Baiting #7

Once again someone with a satellite delay who calls himself David, but doesn’t sound like one, has phoned asking about “your washing machine warranty.”

“Which washing machine warranty?”

“Hotpoint.”

“I haven’t got a Hotpoint.”

“Oh then the data must be wrong”

And there he was – gone.

“Guess any washing machine make” I commented to Fester who was sat next to me.

“They’ll never guess ours” he replied.

And now a mechanical call tells us that our line will be disconnected because of “suspicious activity on your BT internet address.”

As Fester says:  it would be suspicious as we don’t use them.

Also, if the mechanical phone messages are to be believed, it seems Amazon is regularly getting huge receipts from our non-existent Prime Account and the Inland Revenue are about to take us to court for non-payment of taxes.