Pants

When you have three males, all similarly large, in one household it becomes important to be able to identify whose socks and underpants are whose when sorting laundry.  Hosiery sorting has become a lot simpler since Thunderthighs started hanging up (and sometimes laundering) his own socks.

Until yesterday morning Fester was in black Cotton Traders boxers, Thunderthighs in Sainsbury’s Tu boxers and Ferretfingers in a variety of cheap Quayside Market boxers (which he insists on buying).  Previously both Fester and Ferretfingers had worn Y-fronts or trunks but they have fallen out of favour.

Monday is ‘hot wash’ day when all the underwear and whites in the laundry basket go into a 60 degree eco wash and get hung out to dry in the sun, or get an extra rinse. When he got up on Tuesday morning, I heard Ferretfingers say mournfully

“Oh no.  Boxers.”

“What?  Don’t tell me you’ve gone and kit formed another pair of boxers.”

“No boxers.”

I went into his room and find him standing naked and forlorn before the open underwear drawer which was devoid of boxer shorts; due to a combination of his destructiveness and my laundering. 

However there were 8 brand new unworn pairs of Tesco Y-fronts (they must have been on special offer, but as everything has to be broken down into its constituent parts the packaging has long gone).

I handed him a pair

“But you do have underpants.  You have these.”

He held them limply in disinterested hands, folded them and put them, gently but firmly, back in the drawer.

“No underpants” big sigh.

“So you won’t wear those?”

No reply, except going back to lie down on the bed.

In our younger days I would have simply picked him up and put him into the pants.  He is now a head taller and at least half as heavy again as me so that hasn’t been an option for quite some time.

There was nothing for it but to get one of his father’s pairs of Cotton Traders boxers which were hanging on the radiator dryer in our bedroom, and had been for some weeks.

Fester now has 8 pairs of Y-fronts which he may, or may not get used to. 

If not St Oswalds Hospice Shop awaits, when it eventually reopens.

"In our younger days ...."