Autism Empathy & "Why"

With Paula, July 2014

Previously, in The Facebook Archives,  

I explained how storing posts for writing letters to my university friend Paula has provided most of the material for these Tales of Chateau Midden.    

Cancer finally claimed her, after an eight year battle (and she did battle it), on 

2^nd March 2019.   

I miss her.

11 March 2019 at 14:41 ·

I've thought long and hard about sharing this.
Last Saturday afternoon 

Mrs Leftfoot and I went to the Cumberland, for afternoon tea and a viewing of Nothing Like A Dame: Joan Plowright, Maggie Smith, Eileen Atkins and Judi Dench just sitting and talking.  It was excellent and they were so funny.  Accompanying it with a civilised afternoon tea was such a good way to view it as most of the audience were ladies of a certain age as well.
I suddenly thought how much Paula would have enjoyed the event, and hoped she got to see the film when it was broadcast on BBC2.  Which opened the floodgates a little but I raised my chin and stiffened my upper lip, until later at home watching tv the tears overwhelmed me.
Ferretfingers witnessed it but said nothing.
Yesterday he came with me to buy my train tickets to go to London for the funeral next weekend, and to light a candle in the cathedral.   

On the metro home he suddenly said “What for was Mummy crying last night?” 

So I tried to explain.
Ferretfingers asking a direct question about something unrelated to his own needs or wishes, about somebody else’s feelings and so soon after an event is very, very, unusual.
It’s the sort of thing I’d tell Paula about, and now I can’t.

Ms PH What a lovely boy you have raised.💕

Ms JS I know what a milestone that is xxx I remember my son's exact words the first time he saw me crying, "why is there water coming out of your eyes?".  It's so special and heart-warming when they finally acknowledge and ask about the emotions of others and you realize another mountain has been conquered.  I'm so sorry you've lost your friend, thinking of you xxx

*** 

Ferretfingers has always had problems with answering questions such as when, where and why.   I’ve learnt to say “What time/day/month/year?” instead of when and “show me” or “in what town/place?” instead of where.   But why had me stumped until...

A few days after this he announced “I was screaming at the day centre.”

I asked “What for was Ferretfingers screaming?”

“Too much loud noises.”

Cracked it!

Joy, then sorrow as I knew news of this would have delighted Paula, but  now…