Cat Tales #37 Wise Precaution

or a thing the cat dragged in...

From Facebook Archives

28 January 2019 at 11:39

Mrs No.3 has just been round for a quick chat.  

Felix came downstairs to say hello and have his head scratched.  I said he was getting fed up of the ginger git attacking him.

“Oh the ginger one comes and poos in my garden” says Mrs No.3 “and he sits on the bins.  I have to be careful to make sure the kitchen window isn't open too far when I'm cooling meat and stuff.  I don't think he's been in, but you never know.”

A very wise precaution; especially as Tiddles once came home carrying a small champagne coloured chinchilla - at least I think it was a chinchilla.

Mrs Leftfoot  I thought "ginger git" was a new name for Fester for a moment!... quickly realised my mistake though.

Bentonbag  No he's the 'fat bald broken-nosed old bastard'

Or as Auntie Eirlys (Rip) used to say "things a dog wouldn't lick".

A Little Mystery

From Facebook Archives.

27 January 2020 at 23:12

So I'm sat on the rocking chair with my feet up, knitting.

Ferretfingers comes over and gently pats my tummy.

“What's up kid?” I ask.

“You're pregnant” he says.

If you were wondering what the hysterical cackling about half an hour ago was as about Miss Doozer. 

Miss Doozer  Congratulations! 🤰🎉😹

Mrs Lasagne  Lovely news Ben xxx 💕💝. Lol 

(FYI I was born in 1956)

27 January 2020 at 23:21 

This definitely comes under "there's nowt so queer as folk."

When Mrs Lasagne and I were preparing stuff for Woodlawn Nativity/Xmas Raffle we ran out of the cellophane she normally wraps prizes in, so we wrapped some of them in Xmas paper instead.

Tummy trouble prevented me from helping on the day and I didn't see Mrs Lasagne until today.

She told me people were much more excited about getting the prizes wrapped in paper than the ones they could see through the cellophane.  So next year we are going to wrap any Xmas raffle prizes in paper with ribbons (might be greener than cellophane as well).

Similarly a few years ago we had a bundle of bottle bags so put some of the bottle stall bottles in them.  Again people were far more interested in the bottles in the bags than the ones that just had tickets on them - even though there was no real difference in the prize.

People just seem to like a little mystery in their lives.

Chair Cleaning

From Facebook archives

26 January 2020 at 14:42

What is it about Sunday mornings? 

Last week no hot water.   

This week ...

Enjoying a lie in (not a euphemism Mrs Leftfoot) when Thunderthighs comes into our boudoir with

“Teddy's pissed on my chair.”

“Which one?”

“What do you mean?”

“Which chair?  Your easy chair or the one at your desk?”

“The one I sit on to use the laptop.”

“Well mop it up with some toilet paper then sprinkle it with bicarbonate of soda.”

I repeat the above several times then run myself a bath.

Nothing seems to be happening so, when I hear Thunderthighs on the stairs I ask him if he's done anything.  

No.  

Repeat instruction again.

“How much toilet paper?”

“What?  How the hell do I know?  How much piss is there?  Just get a good wad of bog roll and press it into the wet bit.”

Next thing I know he's dragging the damn chair down the loft stairs so I can show him (or do it for him more like).

When I comment on this we get “But I've never done anything like this before.”

“Well it's about bloody time you started, and used the common sense God gave you to get on with it.”

It gets dragged back up the stairs.

While I'm dressing he actually goes downstairs to get the bicarb (of course Daddy has to gallop off down after him because he's forgotten the boy can actually read so doesn't need to be helped).

In the kitchen making my breakfast he comes through with the litter tray to empty and clean.  

Since we got back from our trip to town he has actually hoovered the bicarb off the chair and sprayed it withGlade in the hope that will prevent a repeat performance.

Woolerwoman  You are a Saint, Ben.  Pope Francis will soon be sending you letters seeking advice.xxxx

Mrs Leftfoot  First no hot water. .now the cat.  Thunderthighs must be right fed up.  Mind you it was a cracking Dr Who last night... a big improvement on the first few episodes.

Bentonbag ... and Captain Jack. I know John Barrowman is gay but ....

Paganess  Oh I so agree!!! I've seen him in concert and actually met him, lovely man. Would love to see him in the West End!

A Burns Supper

When Scots Wahey and Wallace bled

Young Rabbie Burns he wet the bed

And blamed it on his brother Ned

The dirrty heiland laddie oh

                                   George Welch

The photo was taken at Carter Bar, the border between Northumberland and Scotland, where there are sometimes wonderful views over the Lowlands.  Ferretfingers was pleased that the piper who is normally there delighting the tourists with his tunes wasn't.

From Facebook archives

25 January 2018 at 20:34 

Yesterday evening Ferretfingers started demanding "Haggis tomorrow".   

We asked in the various food stores around Benton but finally found loads in Tesco (half price).  With the cook still bed ridden tea was prepared by Thunderthighs and me.   

He read the instructions and microwaved a haggis whilst I prepared "knock-off Smash" (his words), split a swede with the cleaver and progged it prior to microwaving it as well.  Mrs Leftfoot told me about microwaving swedes and it works (although maybe takes longer than I bargained for) and there's no peeling, which makes life a lot easier.

So my boys and I sat down together to a Burns supper, of sorts.   

Thunderthighs likes haggis, tolerated the mash after application of salt and tomato ketchup, tried the swede but decided against.  

Ferretfingers refused any neeps but is still working his way through a mound of mash and haggis.

I shall shortly pour myself a large Baileys in honour of the Bard of Ayrshire.

I'm hoping the alcohol will fight off whatever bug has felled Fester.

Leftfoot  Glad to have been of help. X

Burney  Please give Fester a cuddle from me.

Bentonbag  I'd rather not at the moment, he's sweaty and hasn't had a bath today.

Ms Marx  Hope you saved him some!  Leftfoot , what's the swede secret?

Leftfoot  Pierce it and cook like a baked potato in the microwave.  Ben's right, it does take quite a while.. I'd forgotten.  But it saves having to peel it.

I cannot remember the last time I told anyone anything "useful"!!!!

Woolerwoman  Wow I would never have believed it.  The swede thing I mean.  So, that's how to cook it - just need a log-splitter or similar to cut into a whole one.

Bentonbag  We have a hachet style cleaver that came from Fester's flat.  It's a bit uncontrolled but works!