Married Life

Eli was a postgraduate who Fester helped with fieldwork, research, paper writing and PhD thesis: they did a lot of the work in our home-office. 

He is Jamaican/Canadian/American, one of the most gentlemanly and nicest people it’s been my pleasure to know.  He refuses to call Fester by his first name, it’s always ‘Dr’ , and is the only person allowed to call me by my married name.

Dr Eli is now back in the States.

Here are some facebook posts ...

31 July 2017   Morning Rant

First to Aldi with Thunderthighs. 

Came home and, trying to put the shopping away discovered the chest freezer too full for the bread and crumpets. 

This lead to a foul mouthed rant about "some people picking all those f***ing blackberries and leaving no room for anything else" and having, yet again, to sort out "Rubik's f***ing freezer". 

Slam the lid down several times and retire to the kitchen to do the dishes

(which had caused a rantette first thing because they were all over the place, not stacked).  

At which point Eli comes downstairs to fill Fester's water bottle:  he'd arrived when we were out.
"Hello Mrs Fester, and how's your day going?"

 

31 July 2017   Teatime Talk

Me "Are you going to get your hair cut any time soon?"
Him "No."
"It wasn't a question, it was a hint."
"I know. It sounded more like an order, or a command. Anyway, when are you going to get your hair cut?"
"I'm not."
"There you go then."

"Yes, but I don't look as though I should be sleeping outdoors."

The next day.

Apropos yesterday's chest freezer rant post ...

This teatime I heard rustling, grunting and swearing coming from the chest-freezer (a bit like a foulmouthed hedgehog).

After tea I innocently asked Fester if he’d had a problem finding something.

“Yess!  You’d put the bread buns I use for Thunderthighs’s burgers as far away from the top as possible”

“Good”

“I knew you’d say that, that’s why I didn’t say anything."
“I didn’t do it on purpose”
“You never do”

A Blog of Bits

30 July 2009 at 22:13 ·

Just had a text from Oldestbestfriend reading "I've killed a mouse I sat on it"

30 July 2009 at 22:17 ·

I texted back "There must be easier ways to do it. Are u short of traps? Fester asks where and wot sort of mouse?"

She replied "On the settee and it's a flat mouse."

30 July 2013 at 10:39 ·

Today I shall be mostly: loading and unloading the washer; hanging stuff out on the line and bringing it in; ironing; washing up; tying up and chopping back plants; continuing my attempt to empty the tivo from 100% full to just those things we might actually watch.  

This last has already resulted in one screaming tantrum from Ferretfingers; including throwing down and kitforming the tv remote.  

Don't worry it all clips back together - it's getting the AAA battery out from under the furniture that's problematic.

30 July 2014 at 11:36

Last year I mentioned I didn't like stubble.

Fester's beard is now well down his chest.

All very well but he's not cut his hair either and it's making its way down his back.

Very soon he'll be able to do and comb-up-and-over and have a fringe.

It's getting to be like living with a rotund bald wookie.

Birthday Tea

Facebook post 29 July 2017 at 19:54 ·

To celebrate Ferretfingers's birthday we had the traditional 'birthday tea'; chocolate cake, trifle, Iceland eclairs, other petit fours, two sorts of pizza, crisps and ham'n'cheese sandwiches.

Fester added whole tomatoes to his savoury selection.

At the first bite his tomato exploded juice and pips all down the beard.

He swiped most of them down and off his beard.

Although he'd deigned to wear a shirt he hadn't actually done it up.

"There's a tomato pip sliding down your gut" I observed.
"I'd be surprised if it was sliding up" was the reply.

All together now ...

So like the homelife of our own dear Queen.

 

So Hands-on

Facebook post 28 July 2017 at 18:21

Fester comes into the office and asks "What was that ruckus downstairs?":

he'd been in the kitchen at the time but allowed me to go downstairs to sort it out.
I explained ...

There had been the sound of a slap followed by Ferretfingers screaming.
In the living room I found Thunderthighs looking guilty and anxious and leafing through the Argos catalogue.
"Did you hit your brother?"
"Yes"
So I took the Argos catalogue and clouted him with it (there's a lot of my mother in me).
"Don't hit your brother it's bullying and cowardly.  Why did you hit him?"
"He was trying to cut my toenails."

Ferretfingers has a thing about nails.  He's picked all his off and will start on anybody else's that come within range.  When they shared a room he used to pick off Thunderthighs' toenails when he was asleep.  I'd go in and find him standing in the dark with his hand under the foot of the top bunk duvet.

"Well you can't blame him.  I keep telling you to cut your toenails.  You're starting to look like a hen, the length of them."
Then

"Ferretfingers!  Don't pick your brother's toe-nails, he doesn't like it."

Husband watches silently as I collapse with hysterical laughter half way through this account.

It's no wonder I've gone grey ....

Ms PH Lucky your partner is so 'hands-on' or you'd never cope 😉

Strawangel Pretty much the same in this house 😂 😂

Mrs Quilt Is that an extension of picking all textiles and seams apart?

Bentonbag Chicken & egg ... 

Windows What!?!

Facebook post

27 July 2015 at 10:29 ·

And so the day starts with an email from Windows congratulating me for reserving Windows 10 and telling me they'll take care of the download and tell me when upgrade is ready to install.

I asked for none of this but I know who did.

Ferretfingers has clicked yes on a pop-up or similar.

Cry havoc and let loose the dogs of "What the hell did you do that for - cretin?",

wifely replies of "Don't you go off on one, you don't even know what a flaming app is"

and "I'll sort it out like I do with everything else".

Husband departs to Mining Institute with flea in ear.

Anyway after a phonecall with the lovely man at Monkseaton Computers I have (I hope) managed to cancel the reservation by right clicking on the little white icon that is now permanently on the bottom right task bar.

Now all we have to do is make sure Ferretfingers doesn't click on it again.

Anyone want to open a book on it?

 

Fester still thinks you have to have a cd to install a printer (or anything else) into a pc/laptop when I've told him numerous times that they're all plug and play via a usb. 

On the rare occasions he actually has his mobile on he has no idea how to read a text, let alone reply to or write one.

However he still feels entitled to have a tantrum when something goes amiss - which is his complete contribution to putting it right again!