From
Facebook …
Yesterday
at 10:10
07.50 I'm sitting here preparing the deathless prose for the blog and
the phone rings.
I answer swiftly thinking it might be the work experience team calling
to tell Thunderthighs something.
There is a satellite delay followed by a male Oriental voice asking
"Am I speaking to Miss Benton Bag?"
"Who are you?"
"David from Microsoft computers maam"
"David what?"
"David Morgan maam"
"And where are you calling from?"
"Microsoft computers maam. Are you the one in charge of your
computers?"
"And whereabouts are you calling from?"
"Reading maam"
"What's the weather like in Reading today?"
"Seven degrees centigrade with light cloud maam"*
"And why are you calling me from Reading at such a God forsaken time of
day?"
"According to the Daylight Saving rules maam, we can call you any
time after 7.30."
"Yes, but this is a cold call and we have Telephone Preference Service."
"But this isn't a cold call maam, I'm not trying to sell you
anything, I only want to talk about your computer."
"It is a cold call, I didn't ask you to call me, so it's a cold call."
"Do you know what is the meaning of cold call maam?"
"Well actually yes I do, because I used to work in advertising and
marketing and a cold call is any sort of unsolicited phonecall ..."
And there he was gone.
Anyone else getting a woman telling you your local postcode has won a discount card in a lottery?
*It occurs to me that asking about the weather isn't much use as all they have to do is have the forecast for where ever they're supposedly calling from on a sidebar. So I shall have to think of another distraction - possibly the name of a pub or shopping centre or church. Any ideas?
Miss Doozer "Oh good! I applied for a job with you but never heard back! Have you got the phone number for your HR department?"
"OMG Reading?! Are you
ok? Were you affected by the earthquake/fire/nuclear strike? I hear half of the
upper East side is gone?!"
"Oh that’ll be Linda. I
wondered where she got the money for that Range Rover for, the flashy cow"
Bess Cavalier
I don't work in a call
centre, but it would be no good asking me what the weather is doing when I'm at
work as I am nowhere near a window and often check the weather on my 'phone
before I go out at lunchtime to decide how much outerwear I need, umbrella etc.
Float What on earth are 'Daylight Saving Rules'?
Later
Bentonbag Another classic on my mobile as I was
driving to Wallsend for the LDNE knit’n’natter session. Again I was worried in case it was one of the
boys in trouble, so I pulled over into the bus stop on the ramp up to the
roundabout. Satellite delay and then an oriental female voice
"Am I speaking to Miss Benton
Bag, I'm calling from Citizens Advice Bureau."
“What the hell do the
Citizens Advice Bureau want? I'm
driving. I've had to stop the car.”
"We're here to give you
advice on your debt. We can help with up
to £80,000 worth of debt."
“I haven't got £80,000 of debt;
I haven't got any bloody debt. Bugger off!”
Sandy I think you must be on a list somewhere
perhaps they get the apprentices to call you as a joke.
FifiD Your phone never stops ringing !!!!
The Late Talk to them in Welsh.
Bentongbag Tried that on St George's day with a Chinese
bloke, he kept to his script for an admirably long time before giving up.
They are usually on piece work, so my favourite sport is to see how long I can keep them going. So I pretend I don't know which end of a computer is which, and can they please just explain one more time what my problem is, I'm so grateful they've rung to help me, great that Microsoft offer this kind of service, etc, etc ... At a certain point, at least five minutes in, I'll have laid it on too thick and the penny drops. On a good day, they swear at you, and even if they don't, you can bask in the warm glow of the possibility that one of the other people they'd have rung in that time might have been vulnerable and sent the bastards their savings or whatever. Another day on the rooftops of Gotham City....
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