His What Belt?

For the first time since February Ferretfingers goes swimming today.

He and Emile visited the pool last week to check things out.

When they came back Emile told me 

“You have to book online, pay by phone and, by the way, they’re not lending out pool noodles anymore so you’ll have to buy him one.  They told us you can get them at B&M and places like that.”

For those of you who, like me, had no idea what they were called, a pool noodle is one of those long foam tubes kids use in pools to help with buoyancy.

I phoned the pool.

A nice lady called Wendy made the booking, checked he had a current Ease card and took the fee via my card.

Simple.

Not so the pool noodle.

 

Every time Fester goes out, with or without Ferretfingers, he always asks 

“Is there anything you want me to get?”

There seldom is.

So it was with some delight that I replied last Saturday “Yes.  A pool noodle.”

Then of course I had to describe exactly what one was and where he might purchase one.

I ended up googling it so he could see a picture.

None of the likely stores and superstores in Byker or Newcastle Retail Park had one.

Quite a few assistants had no idea what one was.

I popped into our local Sainsbury’s Argos where a very nice red haired (and I mean carmine not ginger) man went on the web for me: computer say no.

 

On Tuesday I agreed to take Ferretfingers to Tesco in Wallsend for his tv magazines;  something we used to do when I took him to the Adult Learning Alliance flower arranging class last year. 

The assistant in Tesco suggested we try the B&M on the retail park next to them.

No joy.

Next to the Silverlink Retail Park where JD Sports and Wilkinsons were equally helpful but useless.

Finally we went to Sports Direct, who had no noodles but did have buoyance belts; rectangles of foam threaded onto webbing with a clip fastening.  Ferretfingers being fat we got two to go around his girth.

As everything at the pool has been changed to accommodate the present unpleasantness I typed him out a guide to what was going to happen:-

 FERRETFINGERS IS GOING SWIMMING AT LAKESIDE

Ferretfinger will wear his swimming trunks under his pullups or shorts instead of underpants.

Ferretfinger and Emile will arrive at Lakeside Pool by 9.50 if at all possible.

Ferretfinger and Emile will wait for someone to let them in and show them to their cubicle.

Ferretfinger and Emile will have a shower before going into the pool to make sure they are clean.

Ferretfinger will put on the buoyance belt, Emile will help him with this.

Ferretfinger will do his swimming and Emile will encourage and help him.

Ten minutes before the end of the session Ferretfinger will get out of the pool.

Ferretfinger will take off his buoyance belt, Emile will help him with this.

Ferretfinger and Emile won’t be able to shower after swimming.

Ferretfinger and Emile will go back to the cubicle and get dried off and dressed.

 Last night I showed it to him and he read it out loud.

All well and good except, having never seen the word before, he kept referring to his “Beyonce belt”.

I hadn’t the heart to correct him.