Table Talk

From Facebook Archives

1 July 2014 at 09:40 

Sunday lunchtime, me, looking through Observer magazine,

"Oh that's a nice dress ... and it's only £45" 

(clothes featured in the Observer being regularly extravagantly priced)

Him "Well it's nearly your birthday" 

Me "It's three months until my birthday .... besides I know what I want for my birthday." 

Him "What?" 

Me "A hatchet ... and a fireguard" 

Is it just us that has these sorts of conversation? 

Bess Cavalier  I'd go for the dress as a birthday present and buy my own hatchet! 

Ms Exlibris  I'd go for the dress as a birthday present and get him to buy the hatchet and fireguard for the household 

Madame Fifi  Get the frock Ben. 

Mrs Jeremy  Definitely go for the dress!  A hatchet and fireguard could be considered essential items and therefore should be bought by Fester regardless of your birthday!

Mind Your Head #4 The Twig

 From Facebook Archives

30 June 2009 at 19:52 ·

Fester's cut his head again - this time on an oak twig whilst removing our rotting front fence.   

He asked me to fetch the hammer to get a nail out and by the time I got back with it he was bleeding.

Squireen  Get him a safety helmet.

Bentonbag. He'd find a way of damaging himself on that.

 

Fester has form when it comes to head self-injury.

May I direct new readers, or  old ones with a few minutes to spare (or kill), to previous blogs:-

Mind Your Head #1 The Shop Sign 

Mind Your Head #2 The Road Sign 

Mind Your Head #3  Sheffield

Shoe Smell

Not Fester's feet

From Facebook Archives 

29 June 2011 at 23:07 ·

Have just had to put Fester's shoes out onto the landing to make the bedroom bearable to sleep it.   

The Stilton smell of fermenting sweat is not somnolent. 

Me "The trouble with these canvas shoes is that you don't wear socks with them." 

Him "I do wear socks with them...

The trouble is they're work socks and as sweaty as hell."

No 

I don't know why he put his work socks back on his feet instead of in the laundry basket.

Impudence

From Facebook archives

28 June 2011 at 12:56 ·

Fester's working on the computer at home today, so I've done the kitchen floor, washed the bin etc.  He comes down 

"You feeling ok? You're not depressed or something?" !!!

Strawangel   cheeky bugger!

Ms Exllibris  At least he wondered and asked, not bad for a man in my book!

Mrs Leftfoot  Sounds about right to me......

28 June 2011 at 22:03 ·

This evening I took Thunderthighs next door so he could tell them he'd just seen Felix climb into their back bedroom window.   

Miss Doozer managed to make it back into her hall before shrieking with laughter, and brought him down.

They have house-cats and goodness knows what would have happened if they'd encountered him!   

He once surprised Doozer Esquire in the shower.

Strong Chives

 

From Facebook Archives

27 June 2010 at 14:56 ·

Fester, commenting on the chives we've grown in the garden

"Those ones by the cabbages are so strong they made me lactate when I was chopping them up".

Either they're some powerful alliums or he confused his lachrymal glands with something else entirely.  Entomologist he may be, etymologist he ain't.

Fay  He knows his onions that Fester.

Bentonbag  But doesn't know his tear glands from his tits.

An interesting variation on arse from elbow I suppose.

Reassurance

From Facebook Archives

26 June 2020

So we're sitting here and it's really humid.

I put a dress on when I got up this morning. 

Just a dress. 

Nothing else. 

Very comfortable.

Anyway I just said to him 

"God it's humid.  I'm lathered in sweat.  

 I shan’t be able to wear this dress tomorrow"

He asks "Why not?"

"Because it will smell."

"Doesn't matter.  Nobody'll notice.  Nobody'll care."

I'm not sure whether that's reassuring or not.

Mrs Lasagne  Hahaha it’s a man thing x  

Birdfoodlady  But you know what - I realised just a few years ago that most people are too busy worrying about what others think of them to notice others!

Drummerman  Helps with the social distancing, same as when I’ve got a loaded dog poo bag in my pocket...